Frequently asked questions
Who decided you were the world’s greatest artist?
I did.
When and where were these painted?
They were all painted in San Francisco, CA, in a studio I moved into during lockdown in 2021. I try to paint every day, except Saturday—that’s when I go record shopping.
How are these paintings made?
With wax, on wooden panels. The fancy word is encaustic. And it’s actually an incredibly ancient form of painting. (Ancient Egyptian sarcophagi are painted in encaustic.) You melt beeswax and add pigment. Then you paint while it’s still hot. It dries almost immediately. Additionally I do a lot of scraping with razor blades to make everything nice and smooth. And carving with wood and litho tools.
How long does it take to finish one piece?
Depends on the piece, right? Some of the little panels are done in an afternoon. Some of the more complex stuff takes months.
This seems like an incredibly stupid way to paint.
First of all, that’s not a question. But yes, it’s an incredibly stupid way to paint. I burn myself a lot, but I’ve gotten kind of used to it. I also cut myself a lot, but I keep plenty of band-aids nearby. I’m partial to the blue ones.
Will the wax melt on my walls?
See, that’s a proper question. I mean, I can’t vouch for what might happen to them in the Texas summer when your idiotic libertarian grid collapses. It probably won’t be good. Beeswax melts at 125º F. So they’ll be fine in most places. Ironically, they’re at their most fragile when they’re being shipped to cold regions. The cold makes them brittle and the jostling might be enough to crack them. So for all effects, if it gets too hot for the paintings we probably have bigger problems going on. Thankfully, we’re all taking the climate crisis incredibly serious and this will never be an issue.
The subject matter seems very angry to me.
Again, we’re back to not asking actual questions. But if this subject matter doesn’t appeal to you, I guarantee there is art out there that will. Live, laugh, and fuck off.
Are these paintings for sale?
Yes. And here’s the exciting part. I believe art should be affordable. Now usually, this means artists price their shit low enough that the non-rich can afford it (that’s good!), which makes it even more affordable to the rich (that’s bad!), who, let’s face it, can afford to pay more and are probably buying art to launder money anyway, cause after a certain price point all art is money laundering.
So I price my paintings by the hour. I decide how many hours a painting is worth, and you multiply that number by what you make in an hour. (Divide your yearly salary by 2000.) That seems like a more equitable solution to me.
But, dude, I don’t want you to know how much I make.
Then you can’t buy a painting.
Can I come visit your studio and see this stuff in person?
Definitely maybe. It’s worth asking, right?
Are you represented by a gallery?
Nope. So if you’re a gallery owner, gimme a shout.